I am cooking dinner, having a glass of wine and realizing what a long day it's been. Jameson barely slept today with 45 minutes here and 45 minutes there. She wasn't fussy though. She is was happy almost every time she got up. But it's been a long day.
Then I look at the monitor and realize how much I miss her. It's 8:35pm and I've been up since 5:45am and I actually miss her. At that moment, I realized I am the happiest I have been in a long time. I have always been so career driven, trying to get promoted, working too many hours, missing holidays and putting family and friends aside. Having a baby puts your marriage, your life and your purpose in perspective. I did take motherhood for granted during the first 3 months she was alive due to exhaustion. But now that I am seeing her develop as a person, it's pretty amazing.
So I thought about what my husband said to me on Sunday. We had Jameson baptized. She was so great in the church. You know talking up a storm being the loudest baby. Then photographs, relatives and the heat. She handled it all so well. At the end of the day, he leaned over to me and said, "are we allowed to be this happy?". I thought about the day I got our negative IVF results back. I remembered how we sat on the patio with two Coronas and cried about how unfair it was. To see your husband cry, it can literally break your heart. So I looked at him and said "Yes, we are allowed to be happy."
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